A social worker gives some tips to those who may face an investigation as part of a custody matter, or for some other reason. First of all, don't panic. Most social services staff are suspicious of jealous ex-partner's motives in such a case. Most courts aren't that interested in 'muck raking' - their only concern is 'The Welfare of the child'.

It is extremely unlikely that any mention or reference to sex or BDSM, even obliquely, would be made by a social worker to children. More likely to ask whether they are happy, does anything worry them, do they have anyone they can talk to if they are worried about anything, do they have friends, how do they feel about mummy's new boyfriend, what do they like at school - what don't they like, do they ever have nightmares etc - fairly casual stuff. They might ask if they ever hear funny noises from mummy's bedroom - but even that's very unlikely.

All anyone cares about is that the children are happy, well fed, well cared for generally, attending school, physically and emotionally healthy etc - and they are not suffering 'physical or emotional harm'.

As to your house, when they come, ask them to explain clearly to you why they are there, what they want and what they will be doing. I would expect them to share their report with you. I would think they would definitely want to look around the house - but this would usually only involve seeing briefly in each room of the house.

It would be very sensible to have absoloutely no fetish stuff around - pictures, clothes, props etc. If you have toys and clothes in the house they should be in a locked cupboard or somewhere like that - for example a locked suitcase where by you have the key and the children could get never get any access to it. If it comes up - make a point of saying that, and if a social worker does raise it stress the point. You would never be expected to show anyone your clothes or toys.

The social worker is just making an assessment - it's your life and your house - you're in charge - tell them if they are making you feel uncomfortable.

Also remember that it is the social worker's job to make an assessment of you and our family - they will do their best to put you at your ease - because nobody wants to deal with hostility, but even so, don't make the mistake of thinking you can say something jokingly, or lightly - because anything you say will be noted and used in any report / assessment.

Everyone is entitled to see their files and your Local Social Services Department should have an 'access to files' leaflet - you should be able to get a copy by calling the local office.

Areas they are likely to consider regarding the children's assessment are:

Health

Education (regular attenders? Number of absences? Achievements? Any concerns?)

Emotional and Behavioral Development (their temperament, their 'attachement' to you, how 'well behaved' they are etc)

Identity and Social Presentation (self esteem, appropriately dressed? etc.)

The parent's capacity to respond to and meet their changing needs (parenting weaknesses and strengths - how is their basic care, are you emotionally warm with them - do you talk about them positively, smile at them etc., do you set appropriate boundaries? Are they properly stimulated? Are they 'safe'?, )

Are there any factors that mean you might not be able to respond appropriately to their needs? e.g. any drug use, mental health issues, domestic violence, childhood abuse etc?

Social Networks - what support do they have/you have? family / friends, wider family, community resources etc.

Employment / income etc.