In this day and age, for the most part the words sadism and masochism do not evoke the pictures of darkened dungeons, people shackled to the walls being flogged and tortured as they once did.

But lots of people’s opinions about S/m are still based on stereotypes and say “That sick stuff that people do with chains and whips.” In fact, the term sadomasochism is mainly used as a label to categorise most types of BDSM play whether pain is involved or not.

S/m may involve mind-games, role-play and mild or heavy corporal punishment and bondage to name but a few things.

Sadomasochism can be about pain but can also be remarkably sensual and soft. For some binding their partner to the bed and running silk, ice cubes or fur over their body qualifies as S/m; a variety called sensation play.

For others its about exchange of power; one person choosing to allow the other person to have control over them in some way.

Interest in S/m crosses race, educational and economical level, sexual orientation, and gender. Most who are involved with S/m have one or two things in common; they are caring, responsible people who understand its not just about play, but about communication, safety and consideration too:

Communication: It is a good idea to discuss any scene before hand so each person has an idea of the wants and needs of any other(s) involved. Personal health issues and basic first aid should be discussed, as should any trepidation.

Safety: Being safe is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing. Trust your instincts. If your gut tells you that something it not quite right, pay attention. Make regular checks on equipment and toys making sure they are in good repair and clean. If a safe word is to be used, choose it together before playing.

Consideration: Keep asking your partner if all is well during a scene. Check rope or chain bindings aren’t too tight, check nothing is restricting breathing. Always offer plenty of encouragement during play and lots of cuddles and praise after.

Limits: Everyone involved with S/m has limits of one kind or another and there is more than one type of limit. There are hard limits, things that they will not do, and will not even consider. For some, being tied up is a hard limit, for others it can be whipping or clamps. There are also soft limits, things that someone hasn’t experienced yet but is happy to explore. Limit checklists can be found on many web sites. Partners should spend time going over the list, discussing their feelings. Check lists once complete should be returned to often, peoples needs and wants can change as time goes by and more experience gained. Between soft limits and hard limits lies an interesting psychological territory to explore.

Respect: Exploring the world of S/m with things like bondage and edge play does not mean you have little or no respect for your partner. On the contrary, respect is absolutely necessary if you wish to do these things over a period of time. Respect is not just about how men are supposed to treat women or whatever. Respect lies in exploration with your partner, creating exciting scenarios, sharing on a very deep level. It's reflected in everything you say, do, feel, with your partner.

People who participate in sadomasochism do so for positive reasons, the erotic sensations, for personal growth and often to experience their spiritual side in subspace. There should be in-depth discussions before each session or scene particularly with the less experienced. Each session should be controlled and should stop immediately if someone calls the safe word. It’s not a bad idea for all involved both tops and bottoms, to have a safe word, the top may get tired, or distracted or feel play has gone far enough. Although there are no hard and fast rules in S/m play safety guidelines should be followed, for instance people who are under the influence of any alcohol or drugs shouldn’t get involved in play because of their altered state of awareness. At the end of play there should be lots of cuddles and words of praise and encouragement. S/m brings people closer together and heightens levels of trust.